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Thread: 24 Hours of Lemons- Team T.A.R.P.

  1. #1
    ^TAMOR NORTH^ Graystroke's Avatar
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    24 Hours of Lemons- Team T.A.R.P.

    T.A.R.P. - Toxic Asset Racing Program
    Team # 700,000,000,000 or 700 billion
    Our Sponsors: Countrywide, Lehman Brothers, WaMu, Indy Mac, etc.and any other defunct bank
    The Car: 1989 Toyota MR2

    I went by there tonight to see if we could get it running. The guys house it is at (pat) bought it off Craigslist here in Dallas. When he bought it the Lady said, "Oh by the way you also get the one out back." So for $200 we have two non-running MR2's...One for parts, ebaying and the other to race. The plan is to haul down the parts car to the race so we have our own pit stall parts store...Genius!
    The story from PO was that Jiffy Lube place left off the oil cap and the oil was blown out. There is a lot of oil on the engine. Some of the wiring was melted that ran over the valve cover. Also, the dist cap was melted at the base where it rested on the metal.
    My synopsis is it got way over heated. I checked the timing to make sure the timing belt hadn't jumped or was broken. It was ok.

    Checked the compression...no bueno. #1 had 0 PSI, #2 had 0 PSI, #3 had maybe 30 PSI and #4 had 40 PSI. It's a gonner.

    When doing the test and when I checked #4, smoke came out of #3 spark plug hole. There was so much blow by that it was coming up # 3 I guess....whith the plugs in it spins freely. I didn't see any valves that appeared stuck so I guess the rings are shot or there are holes in the pistons.

    So we need a new motor. I would like to find another MR2tranny/motor and just swap out the whole drivetrain...it's kinda built like a complicated VW bug. 4 bolts and the whole mess drops out underneath.

    So if any of you see a cheap 1.6L 16 valve yota motor let me know...I think they are the same from 85-89. They came in Camry's and Corolas also.

    MR2 #2 (parts car) is completely locked up. I put in the new battery and cranked it and it just clicked. We stuck it in gear and pushed it down the alley and I popped the clutch in 4th dear and the wheels locked up...so this one is in need of a motor as well. it does have some sweet leather seats though!
    Last edited by Graystroke; 12-11-2008 at 09:31 AM.

  2. #2
    VW Ninja Jackasic's Avatar
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    sounds like a good start, post up some pics.

  3. #3
    ^TAMOR NORTH^ Graystroke's Avatar
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    you first

  4. #4
    ^TAMOR NORTH^ Graystroke's Avatar
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  5. #5
    Once was lost... BMFScout's Avatar
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    Go get this instead, paint it silver, make the doors open like a delorean and go back to the future style.

    http://dallas.craigslist.org/mdf/pts/959213015.html

    probably could just shave the head, slap it back together and go to town.
    Last edited by BMFScout; 12-15-2008 at 05:47 PM.
    Boats and hoes

    Stumble in to the liquor store
    With a dollar-fifty for a bottle of wine,
    I know just what I'm lookin for
    Thunderbird will do just fine.

  6. #6
    ^TAMOR NORTH^ Graystroke's Avatar
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    bought another one...85 mr2 w/ jdm spec motor...kid was desperate and it runs. now we have 3 mr2's selling blue one, keeping red one for parts.

  7. #7
    ^TAMOR NORTH^ Graystroke's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BMFScout View Post
    Go get this instead, paint it silver, make the doors open like a delorean and go back to the future style.

    http://dallas.craigslist.org/mdf/pts/959213015.html

    probably could just shave the head, slap it back together and go to town.

    buy it...i like those engine sits north and south

  8. #8
    ^TAMOR NORTH^ Graystroke's Avatar
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    Our application rough draft:

    We’re an incompetent racing team, and that’s why you owe us a spot at the Houston Gator-O-Rama. Yep, owe us.

    Let us explain. In normal times, incompetence limits your options. These are not normal times. Normally, companies that lend gazillions of dollars to homebuyers who couldn’t afford the mortgage on a lean-to would just go broke. Normally, credit-rating agencies that labeled high-risk mortgages as high-quality mortgages would go straight to Chapter 7 bankruptcy. But these days, companies like these don’t die; they get government bailouts. The bailouts even have a fancy acronym: TARP, for Toxic Assets Relief Program. If that sounds more like camping equipment for a Superfund site than a business failure of staggering proportions, it’s no accident. These days, incompetence is no bar to success. In fact, it’s a prerequisite.

    So let’s just make this clear: Toxic Assets Racing Program—TARP, for short—is a chockablock with incompetent people. True stories:

    1) One of our drivers got stranded halfway off a road because he was sure his Oldsmobile Toronado had rear-wheel drive. (It didn’t.)

    2) For a couple of years, another driver mistakenly drove to Home Depot every time he got behind the wheel. (His 2-year-old daughter used to get in the car and say, “Home Depot, here we come!”)

    3) Still another one can’t drive a stick. (And our TARP car is a standard.)

    4) Yet another driver’s greatest claim to vehicular fame is destroying road construction signs in a Willys Wagon. (Road signs, it turns out, are no match for a 52 hp four-banger.)

    5) And still another one once bought a VW with an “automatic stick shift.” (Enough said.)

    To honor our fellow incompetents in the financial world, the TARP car will look like a Nextel Cup Car with logos of bailout companies tattooed on its skanky Toyota MR2 body. Our number? $700 billion, the amount of the federal bailout. When we lose, it won’t matter; we’re too big to fail. So we expect you to throw us a big party with champagne and caviar, hand us a bigger payout than you give the so-called winners, and award us pole position at the next race. What will we do in return? Look like we know what we’re doing and wear ties. That’s the wild world of TARP, and that theme is the only competent thing about our racing team.

    Don’t hold that against us. We can give you many more reasons why you owe losers like us a spot in the race: 700 billion of them. And counting.
    Last edited by Graystroke; 12-17-2008 at 09:14 PM.

  9. #9
    Flyin' the Hindenburg 2.0 DRAGOONRANCH's Avatar
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    gold
    Quote Originally Posted by Fredo View Post
    Ask your dad what it tastes like.
    Quote Originally Posted by Tyler View Post
    Tell Chris to get it up and I will do it.
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    Through rain, sleet, or snow...
    My whore better have my money...
    Not half, not some, but all my cash...
    'Cause if she don't,
    I'm gonna put my foot in her ass.

  10. #10
    VW Ninja Jackasic's Avatar
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    good form!

  11. #11
    Registered User uglyota's Avatar
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    are you sure you don't want to apply as "team neo-conservative crybaby"
    Quote Originally Posted by Shaggy View Post
    damnit... if everyone is leaving i want my original 15 back... i dont wanna be left with these tools

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  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Graystroke View Post
    Our application rough draft:

    We’re an incompetent racing team, and that’s why you owe us a spot at the Houston Gator-O-Rama. Yep, owe us.

    Let us explain. In normal times, incompetence limits your options. These are not normal times. Normally, companies that lend gazillions of dollars to homebuyers who couldn’t afford the mortgage on a lean-to would just go broke. Normally, credit-rating agencies that labeled high-risk mortgages as high-quality mortgages would go straight to Chapter 7 bankruptcy. But these days, companies like these don’t die; they get government bailouts. The bailouts even have a fancy acronym: TARP, for Toxic Assets Relief Program. If that sounds more like camping equipment for a Superfund site than a business failure of staggering proportions, it’s no accident. These days, incompetence is no bar to success. In fact, it’s a prerequisite.

    So let’s just make this clear: Toxic Assets Racing Program—TARP, for short—is a chockablock with incompetent people. True stories:

    1) One of our drivers got stranded halfway off a road because he was sure his Oldsmobile Toronado had rear-wheel drive. (It didn’t.)

    2) For a couple of years, another driver mistakenly drove to Home Depot every time he got behind the wheel. (His 2-year-old daughter used to get in the car and say, “Home Depot, here we come!”)

    3) Still another one can’t drive a stick. (And our TARP car is a standard.)

    4) Yet another driver’s greatest claim to vehicular fame is destroying road construction signs in a Willys Wagon. (Road signs, it turns out, are no match for a 52 hp four-banger.)

    5) And still another one once bought a VW with an “automatic stick shift.” (Enough said.)

    To honor our fellow incompetents in the financial world, the TARP car will look like a Nextel Cup Car with logos of bailout companies tattooed on its skanky Toyota MR2 body. Our number? $700 billion, the amount of the federal bailout. When we lose, it won’t matter; we’re too big to fail. So we expect you to throw us a big party with champagne and caviar, hand us a bigger payout than you give the so-called winners, and award us pole position at the next race. What will we do in return? Look like we know what we’re doing and wear ties. That’s the wild world of TARP, and that theme is the only competent thing about our racing team.

    Don’t hold that against us. We can give you many more reasons why you owe losers like us a spot in the race: 700 billion of them. And counting.
    Man if they are economists, they will spit coffee all over their new york times!!!

    You receive a D-, no penis jokes
    Quote Originally Posted by Graystroke View Post
    So you loose, I win!

  14. #14
    Registered User uglyota's Avatar
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    to the old man's credit, he did call the MR-2 "skanky."
    Quote Originally Posted by Shaggy View Post
    damnit... if everyone is leaving i want my original 15 back... i dont wanna be left with these tools

  15. #15
    user friendly Cajun's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by uglyota View Post
    are you sure you don't want to apply as "team neo-conservative crybaby"
    Come on, that was funny.

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